my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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