He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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