so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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