...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize