I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize