I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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