I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize