Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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