Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
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she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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