you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
sex in a hospital.. check
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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