my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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