This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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