The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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