Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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