My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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