Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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