I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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