Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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