good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize