please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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