Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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