I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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