UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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