drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
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You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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