do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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