you told grandpa to call you daddy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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