I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize