he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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