he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize