i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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