someone threw a dead crab at me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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