margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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