how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize