I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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