He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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