Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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