please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize