It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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