i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize