So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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