maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize