guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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