You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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