OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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