She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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