woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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