i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize