We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize