I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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