dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We are two peas in an std pod
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize